Jeff Foxworthy (or someone impersonating him) filled in for Brother Slawson today at Tominthebox News Network and offered some questions to help readers figure out if they're Calvinists.  Apparently, I'm a good candidate.

[I]f sitting in a tub full of scissors sounds more appealing to you than listening to a Sunday School class share their personal gut feelings about a Bible verse, you are a good candidate.

Here are some others I scored high on.

If you have adjusted the default passage setting at www.biblegateway.org from “NIV” to “ESV”

… you might be a Calvinist.

If your preacher says to turn to Obadiah and you do not use the index, or

If you think a 50-minute sermon is too short, or

If you’ve ever heard a wave of groans sweep through Sunday School when you refer to Romans 9,

…you just might be a Calvinist.

And then there’s this one:

If you have ever purposefully sung a different word in a hymn to conform to scripture,

… you might be a Calvinist.

Calvinist Anglicans do that every week.

Read the whole thing.