Magic Statistics

Yesterday I mentioned the $80,000 strategic planning study, commissioned by the Diocese of Ottawa, that recommended winding up a total of 42 of 131 parish churches.  Fortuitously, this morning the first part of The Revisionist Dictionary was posted at Stand Firm, where this appears:

CHURCH GROWTH CONSULTANT: Explains why your congregation does well by shrinking more slowly than others.

The whole thing is very humourous and not to be missed.  I’m looking forward to the other parts of the dictionary, to be posted later this week.  Kudos to author Irenaeus.

Here are a few of my favourite definitions:

BIBLE: Collection of ancient patriarchal texts available for reinterpretation, contextualization, deconstruction, ridicule, and selective use. Subordinate to canons (2)*.
. . .
BOX: Container into which the Orthodox put God. “If you stake the gospel on Christ’s bodily Resurrection*, you put God in a very small box.” Because Progressive reason is liberating*, Progressive beliefs do not similarly confine God.

I saved the worst best for last.

ANGLICAN CHURCH OF CANADA: Second most enlightened member church of the Anglican Communion.

No wonder the Communion is falling apart.

Previous related posts:

• Anglican Church of Canada loses another half-million
• Emerging or Episcopal?

The Collect for today, the Holy Day of the Transfiguration of our Lord (source):

O God, who on the holy mount didst reveal to chosen witnesses thy well-beloved Son wonderfully transfigured: Mercifully grant unto us such a vision of his divine majesty, that we, being purified and strengthened by thy grace, may be transformed into his likeness from glory to glory; through the same thy Son Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

The Epistle: 2 St Peter 1:16-21
The Gospel: St Matthew 17:1-9Artwork: Lorenzo Lotto, Transfiguration, 1510-12, Oil on wood, Pinacoteca Comunale, Recanati.